i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize