it wasn't lemon gatorade
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
