you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize