just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
