Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
