just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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