I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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