my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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