btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
