I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize