Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
