If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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