Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The chlamydia really affected his face.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...