i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet