absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.