also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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