She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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