Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
