he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
