We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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