My friends, they love my intelligence
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
false alarm. still invincible.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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