not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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