But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
