I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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