Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
