My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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