remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
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His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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