so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
