I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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