i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
