That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
