i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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