The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize