After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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