They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
