"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
