walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
