Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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