I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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