I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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