Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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