Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
