i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
