please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize