This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
organizing the empties. That sober.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
