I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She told me I should be a condom model.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
