I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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