Well douche your snatch and let's go!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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