I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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