I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
