Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize