just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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